Feeling insignificant, lost, like you don't matter?
We have all been there!
It's so easy to feel like a drop in an ocean of online content, social media gurus, and non stop information. It's hard to turn off our brains at night, as if we can't stop processing the influx of stimuli we take in daily.
I've been there! Feeling lost amongst all the information on the internet. How can my story possibly make an impact in a sea of opinion? How can I stand out, when I now also have to compete with AI to stay relevant?
However, my story is not just mine, it carries the signature of a very wise Author. I've come to realize that telling my story has nothing to do with myself, social media algorithms, and much less what others may think about what I have to say. It's much more than that. So much more!
The Bible states in Psalm 71: 15:
15 I will tell of your goodness; all day long I will speak of your salvation, though it is more than I can understand.
In 2021, I found myself in the worst season of my life. I was a burnout nurse in the middle of the pandemic. My worst nightmare had come true; my husband Daniel had tested positive for COVID 19 and his organs had begun to shut down. Doctors gave us no hope for his recovery and I felt as if the pressure of living with the constant reality that he might not make it one more day was beginning to break me.
The days after Daniel was hospitalized felt as if I were living someone else's life. The horror of knowing that I might never get to say goodbye to the person I love most in this world was intense. I remember for many months I lived with a constant tightness in my chest. A mixture of agony and anxiety that felt like a poison to my very soul.
I wouldn't wish what we had to go through on my worst enemy. It was terrible.
Though our story has a happy ending (though not far from over), Daniel's health is looking up, he has received a kidney transplant, and is now on the road to recovery; we have a lot of rebuilding to do.
I have come to understand that though I wish this wasn't our reality, it is. Though I wish we never had to encounter so much pain, we have.
When I began to share my story on social media, I was surprised by how difficult it became. I've gotten all sorts of comments in my posts; from those who find my faith appalling and insulting to medical professionals, to those who believe alongside us and encourage me to keep sharing more. Yet, the hardest battles I have fought, have been those in my own mind.
I have told myself the meanest things. Trust me, no hate comment will ever compare to the hate I've given myself. From telling myself "you don't look good enough to be on social media," to "people will judge you, you look ridiculous or crazy," I've said it all.
However, there is so much power in declaring that God is good, specially when it does not look that way. It is a testimony to those who can't understand why we still choose to say we are believers in God. Though, like the psalmist says, we can't understand the salvation of God (or in my case why we had to go through this), I still choose in the unknown to trust in God. That kind of faith comes from a very important place:
Psalm 71: 16,17